As an addendum to his essay on bitachon and hishtadlut, Rav Dessler gives us several practical suggestions for maintaining a healthy balance between the two. Again, this text is from Michtav M'Eliyahu, Vol. 1 (Bitachon v'Hishtadlut)*:

We explained above that one can minimize endeavor only to a certain extent. The proviso is that one is strong enough to withstand the tests that may result without feeling sorry that one started on the path of faith in the first place. We should therefore look for ways to lessen the risk by strengthening our ability to meet challenges of this sort. Here are some suggestions.

1. Train yourself to be satisfied with less in the way of worldly goods. The less you need, the easier it will be for you to cut down on physical endeavor and the less dangerous will be the test. As our Sages said (Avot 6:4) "The way of Torah is to eat dry bread and salt and drink water by the measure..."   
2. Pray with devotion until you recognize that everything comes from HaShem. Then even if you don't succeed in your endeavors you will know that your lack of success, too, is decreed by Heaven. The deeper you realization of this truth, the less likely you will be to regret the course you have adopted. 
3. Reflect constantly on the importance of trust in HaShem. Read about trust in our holy sources. Even when you are engaged in necessary physical endeavor be aware that you are only fulfilling the decree "By the sweat of your brow, etc." (Gen. 3:19) Realize that what you will have is decreed and the extent of your endeavor will not alter this. All this will serve to strengthen your faith. Be prepared to close your ears to the taunts of those who call you "good for nothing" and similar epithets. Better to be called this and worse, than to abandon one's principles. Remember the words of our Sages (Eduyot 5:6): "Better I should be called a fool all my life than be a rasha before God for one hour."
4. When a person has to do something which he feels is unworthy of him he is affected by a sense of shame and is impelled to do it in private. This is an instinct implanted by HaShem, and dates from after the sin of Adam. before that the Torah says "...and they were not ashamed." (Gen 2:25) At that time physical desire was not within their experience at all. But afterwards, since it became impossible for a human being to achieve complete unselfishness, he was endowed with a sense of modesty which taught him to be ashamed of selfish physical desire. Similarly with economic endeavor, even thought the person may have no choice (after all, it was Adam's sin that brought this upon us), he should still engage in it with as much modesty as possible. He should experience a sense of shame that he has to do actions which seem to contradict the all-pervading power of HaShem. Just as modesty is effective in limiting physical desire, so it is with physical endeavor; modesty and restraint can serve to keep it within proper bounds. There is an interesting comment by the Vilna Gaon on the word "cheresh" used in connection with the sending of the two spies by Yehoshua. He writes: "This means that he sent them in silence...so that they should not fail as the earlier spies did." This provides remarkable confirmation of what we said above [in the essay].
5. "Make your Torah fixed and your work casual." (Avot 1:15). To achieve this one has to make Torah one's main ambition. One must strengthen one's determination to achieve success in Torah to such an extent that one is prepared to give up one's life for it, in accordance with the words of our Sages. When one's life-ambition is for spiritual things this will automatically lessen the urge for physical endeavor and one will also spend less time on material things generally. He will accordingly be less prone to regrets if he is not so successful in the material sphere. Regret is after all only a function of unfulfilled ambition.

 *English adapted from Strive for Truth! by Rabbi Aryeh Carmell

Be pleasant!

Rav Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler, author of the numerous essays and articles that comprise the Michtav M'Eliyahu, would often be called upon by tzedakkah collectors in his home in Bnei Brak. In those days, there was a certain scarcity that we could never relate to, and the Ponovezh Yeshiva had trouble making payroll on many occasions; it goes without saying that there were instances where Rav Dessler simply didn't have anything to give this poor man.

Nonetheless, Rav Dessler would invite him into his home, and sit with the man for a nice amount of time, engaging in pleasant conversation. He would ask the man about his background - where was he from? who lived there? did so-and-so live in that little town? After establishing a commonality with the man and making him feel good about the fact that such an esteemed personality such as Rav Dessler recognized his little town and knew people there, Rav Dessler would sit for a little while longer, making this man feel like an actual human being rather than a faceless meshulach going door to door, collecting alms without garnering any real attention to himself.

Very often, that man would leave Rav Dessler's home feeling better than he would if he had received a hefty donation.

If a Torah giant could spare time from his busy schedule to give a little recognition to a stranger, to offer some validation to a person many of us wouldn't give a moment's thought to - how much more so when it comes to us and the people that we deal with on a regular basis...

Engaging in pleasant conversation is not a formality - it is an essential tool to establishing positive relations with others.

Yamim Nora'im Prep part III

Our third segment on different suggestions and approaches to the concept of forgiveness focuses on reaching an idealized perspective via-a-vis the people we come into contact with.

Whereas the earlier approaches we discussed involved either "forcing" ourselves into the recognition of  the necessity of mechila (and the gravity of half-hearted forgiveness) and techniques to calm our animus towards those who have wronged us, I'd like to focus for a moment on nuturing healthy relationships, which facilitates itself toward forgiving others with ease.

What is love? Where does it come from? How does it develop?

Rabbi E. E. Dessler makes a powerful observation concerning this very topic in his Kuntress HaChessed (Michtav M'Eliyahu Vol. 1). Contrary to popular belief, Rav Dessler asserts that love is not enhanced by giving - it is the giving that creates love. Rather than being in a loving relationship and therefore feeling compelled to act with kindness towards someone, bestowing them with gifts and favors, it is quite the opposite: the very act of giving, of providing for someone stirs within the giver strong feelings of attachment and closeness, and allows an true and honest relationship to flourish.

My suggestion is this: with friends and loved ones, strive to give them what they need, whether it's moral support, a handout, or a smile. When the relationship deepens through the mutual acts of giving, it will be that much easier to separate from our selfishness and see through to the truth. As for those whom you may not get along with? Try very hard to be pleasant to them, and help them any way you can. By constantly giving to them, you will be strengthening your relationship (obviously this has to be done with common sense and no attitude...), and hopefully they will see the effort you are exerting to make it work with them...