Yamim Nora'im Prep part I

As Rosh HaShana draws nearer, we begin brushing up on our hilchot Teshuva. A very significant factor is the aspect of forgiveness not only between us and God, but between us and our fellow man. I have seen numerous times an emphasis on how to gain forgiveness from people that we may have wronged in one fashion or another, but less focus on granting forgiveness.

Naturally, there are many deterrents to our ability to forgive others, despite the fact that the RaMBaM tells us that we should be quick to forgive. Human nature is that we have a very long memory when it comes to perceived slights and injustices experienced.

Over the course of the next three posts - God willing - I am going to present three separate eitzot that lend themselves to the concept of forgiving others. While each suggestion/exercise can be taken as three disparate ideas, I do believe that they complement each other. Moreover, they can be done in any number of combinations, although the order in which I present them display a progression, of sorts. It is important to note that these are not the only ideas, of course, and that there are many effective ways to reach the goal we are aiming for; these ideas resonate with me for personal reasons, and have an overarching effect in their scope.

The first idea was shown to me a few years ago, and addresses an attitudinal aspect of the concept of forgiveness. In this vein, we are taught a method that practically forces us to forgive someone, for our own sake and our best interests.

In Nesivos Ohr, Rav Yisroel Salanter OBM explains the Talmudic concept of "Yesh lo ta'arumos" ("he has complaints"). Rather than being a postscript comment on the outcome of a particular legal case, Rav Salanter asserts that this is an actual ruling, distinct from the legal rulings of reparations or remunerations. In such an instance of "he has complaints [on the defendant]" we see that although the defendant is not obligated to pay any money, he must still deal with the plaintiff's complaint, in which case the plaintiff is encouraged to be "mochel" the grievance, so long as the defendant makes a sincere effort to placate him and make peace.

Rav Salanter then draws a comparison to this aspect of mechila vis-a-vis ta'arumos and the practical  application that mechila can play in actual litigation. For instance, if Reuven is owed money, he can opt to be mochel the loan - without any material acquisition. However, if Reuven later regrets his mechila and decides to pursue the debt that was previously owed to him, then this is gezel gamur - actual stealing - because he has already absolved the debt through his mechila. Similarly, if one has an instance where he has the right to harbor ta'arumos against his friend, and his friend subsequently pacifies him and earns his mechila - he can no longer harbor any ill-will towards the offender. In fact, to do so after granting forgiveness is considered to be a grave sin against his friend.

It is at this point that Rav Yisroel offers up his eitza towards abolishing the negative trait of kapdanut and intensifying the idea of mechila:

If a man sins against his fellow, either through speech or action: [the offended should] forgive him immediately, with verbal acknowledgement. Then, if he begins to feel resentful of [the offender], he should remind himself that this is a grave sin. Just as the one who reneges on his absolution of a debt is known by all to be a thief, the same applies to the one who retracts his forgiveness for a prior grievance.

The above is a seemingly counterintuitive way of approaching the concept of forgiveness, but in a display of deep psychological insight, Rav Salanter shows us a way in which we can literally force ourselves to maintain an attitude of forgiveness, rather than allow ourselves to commit an even greater sin.

This suggestion can be used as a very basic step towards forgiveness; one can even say that it is a seemingly "begrudging" approach to the idea of mechila. Even so, it's brilliance demonstrates how seriously we need to take the granting of forgiveness to others...

A Fortress

Made to protect, this fortress is strong
It shelters me from the elements that erode
The very essence of who I am
It almost as old as creation and waits for me
Protecting, guiding, helping me
A constant in an every changing world
I allow myself to enter it and leave renewed
Ready to face challenges unknown
Walls reverberate with music that draws me in
And back to when I began to realize that it need
This fortress
The safety and protection is unyielding if only
I accept it and treasure it
Shabbos Kodesh

Judgements

“Our judgments judge us, and nothing reveals us, exposes our weaknesses, more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.”

Paul Valery


The way Chazal put it was "kol haposel bi'mumo posel". The revered mashgiach Rav Volbe ztz"l calls it a "panas kessem" - a magical flashlight. If you want to know about yourself, explore how you judge others. A person only sees the world through the prism of his own experiences. I often remind myself when being criticized [all too often...], that the words say more about the criticizer than they do about me. [This takes place after I feel hurt and get defensive.]

There are really two issues at hand [I have been learning a lot of Brisk recently so everything is two issues]. 1] How to criticize and 2] How to receive criticism.

1] In a word - with a lot of love, genuine care about the criticized and after verifying that the person feels good enough about himself that will allow him to accept the criticism in a healthy, productive way. Also, the criticism should [generally] be sugar-coated. As Rebbetzin Mary Poppins taught me in my impressionable youth: "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." Well, more than a word.

2] One of the 48 ways of acquiring Torah is "Ohev es hatochachos" - Loving rebuke. Rebuke helps us grow. Amazing!!! BUT [ a big "but"], make sure not to blow it out of proportion. Yes, maybe you are not perfect but that doesn't mean you lack all redemptive traits. You are GOOD, you are WORTHY and your are loved by many - particularly the Master Of The Universe. You have a specific uniqueness and task shared by nobody on earth.

And like we said earlier, the person rebuking and criticizing has his own issues and his words are often a reflection of those issues.

Love and Blessings!!!:)

Increasing The Plentiful

In a previous post, both Reb Ally and Reb Micha weighed in on different kavanot (intentions) to have while making a bracha (blessing). Continuing in that theme, I'd like to share an idea I saw from Reb Chaim Volozhin (the foremost disciple of the Vilna Gaon, and a tzaddik in his own right), in his seminal work on Jewish thought Nefesh HaChaim.

In his introductory paragraphs to the section concerning the subject of Tefillah (prayer), Reb Chaim prefaces his remarks by examining the nature of blessings in general, their purpose, and their particular construction for the sake of fulfilling that purpose (emphases mine):

The word baruch does not mean "blessed" or "praised" (as an adjective), as most people think...

The true meaning of beracha is asking God to increase that which is being blessed as in "He will bless your bread and your water" (Ex. 23:25) and "He will bless the fruit of your womb" (Deut. 7:13)...These passages clearly denote increase; they certainly cannot be interpreted as expressions of praise and glorification.

But when we recite a beracha and "bless God", we are not speaking about God Himself. After all, God is perfect and lacks nothing; thus, "increasing" anything about Him is ridiculous.

The essence of God is completely beyond human comprehension. When we speak of God, we are referring to His attributes as they become apparent to us by the way He sustains and guides the world and His creations - with Justice, Kindness, or Mercy. That is why we describe Him as "Almighty Judge", "Merciful One", and "Compassionate One".

And so, the purpose of reciting a beracha is to increase our awareness of God in creation (first in our mind, and then in the minds and lives of as many people as we can reach). Therefore, when we bless God, we are really saying "Please increase Your presence in creation." (Sha'ar Beis, Chapter 2) *

Reb Chaim elaborates further on this concept and its implications throughout the section, but this integral idea jumped off the page at me. We aren't really telling God that He is praised so much as we are asking Him to strengthen the awareness of the Divine in the world. This passage caused a paradigmatic shift in my approach to berachot by teaching me to keep this thought in mind.

* English adapted from Rabbi Avrohom Yaakov Finkel's translation Nefesh Hachaim: Rav Chaim of Volozhin's classic exploration of the fundamentals of Jewish belief (the Judaic Press).

שיתברר ויתאמת

There are two ways of resolving points of doubt in learning.

1] Finding one strong, incontrovertible proof.

2] Finding numerous hints that might not explicitly resolve the doubt but certainly point one in the direction of truth.

The advantage of the former is that the proof is clear and cogent while the advantage of the latter is that the numerous hints one sees serve to drive the point home with more emphasis.

NOW, we can understand the famous beginning of the Messilas Yesharim, where it says that the obligation of every Jew is "she'yisbarrer vi'yisameis aitzel ha'odom mah chovaso ba'olamo" - to clarify and find the truth revealing your obligation in this world. Many of our spiritual titans have tried to understand the difference between "yisbarrer" and "yisameis". Yisbarrer is that it should become clear through one proof what your purpose in this world is. "Yisameis" is to find many hints in your life until this truth penetrates to the core of your soul.

[Based on Maran HaRav Hutner ztz"l]

People spend much time reading the sports pages and finding out what is going on in Washington - and in China, but are ignorant as to the purpose of their own existence. This requires much soul-searching and introspection.

But what's an Elul for?!

חנוך לנער על פי דרכו

A man in Toronto once wanted to make a pidyon ha-ben for his newborn son. Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky ztz"l who was the Rav there, politely suggested to him that since he was a Levi it was not necessary to do the pidyon.

"No way Rabbi, I made a pidyon ha-ben for my first son, I made a pidyon ha-ben for my second son and I am NOT going to skip the pidyon ha-ben for my third son!"

The Rebbe ztz"l in his Chovas Hatalmidim stresses that every child is different. This seems obvious but unfortunately our educational system generally does not abide by this teaching. It is very difficult to do when you have fifty students in a classroom. The ideal according to the Torah is home-schooling [see the seminal essay of Maran HaRav Hutner ztz"l on the topic in the Pachad Yitzchak-Shavuos]!

So if you are fortunate enough to have children or to be an educator, remember to try to identify the uniqueness of each child and treat him him accordingly. And don't forget the most important child.

Yourself.

Love and blessings:)!!

Picking Your Chumeros for Elul...

(No idea why my posts weren't published before now... Guess I've been using Wordpress instead of Blogspot for too long. Sorry. -micha)

As I write this, it's a few hours before Rosh Chodesh Elul. For many people, a time for choosing chumeros, stringencies in those areas of our lives that could use that extra attention.

The Daf Yerushalmi Yomi recently learned Shevi'is 20a (in the Vilna edition) 7:20. The gemara is citing a Tosefta (Maaseros 1:2):

התני הסיאה והאיזוב והקורנס שהובילו לחצר אבל אם היתה שניי' נכנסת לשלישית שלישית מששית לשביעית ששית הכא את מני לחוריה וכא את מני לקומיה אמר רבי יוסי שלישית וששית אע"פ שאין בהן מע"ש יש בהן מעשרות שביעית אין בה מעשר כלל לא כן אמר רבי אבהו בשם רבי יוחנן לית כאן מששית לשביעית ששית אלא שביעית מן ברשות בעלים ברם הכא ברשות עני הן מוטב ליתן ליה אחד בודאי ולא שנים בספק

Doesn't it say in the [Tosefta], "Si'ah, hyssop and qornos [three herbs that general grow wild] that were brought into the yard: If they were [plants] of the second [year of the shemittah cycle] going into the third [and now they are brought into the yard], they are of the third year [in terms of tithing]. If they were from the sixth year going into the seventh [sabbatical] year, they have the law of the sixth." -- this [case] one counts to the later [the third year], and here one counts to the earlier [sixth] year???
Rabbi Yosi said: The third and sixth [years] even though they do not have maaser sheini [a tithe eaten by the owner but only in Jerusalem], they do have maaser [-- they have the tithe given to the poor]. The seventh year does not have maaser at all.
Didn't Rabbi Avohu say the same in the name of Rabbi Yochanan? "From the sixth going into the seventh [ie sabbatical year] is not of the sixth year but of the seventh -- that is only with respect to the control of the owners, however here it is about the control of the poor. It is better to give that one with certainty, that two give two [for the earlier and later year] in doubt.

After terumah is given to the kohanim, and maaser rishon, the first tenth, is given to the leviim, the second tenth has different dispositions depending on which year it is in the shemittah cycle. In the first, second, fourth and fifth years, it is eaten by the owner in Jerusalem. In the third and sixth years, it is given to the poor. (In addition to the other parts of the crop which are given to the poor as well as the usual obligation of tzedaqah.) On the seventh, shemittah, year, the crops are holy, ownerless, and thus there is no tithing of any sort.

Here we have a plant that in general grows wild, and therefore isn't subject to maaser. However, in this particular case the person takes the plant and allows it to finish growing in his vegetable patch. And a new year began in between Does the herb follow the year it was grown, or the year it became subject to the obligation? The shenuttah cycle is rabbinic at times when most Jews live outside of Israel, and thus the Sages had leeway as to how to label the years with respect to tithing. The Yerushalmi tells us that in order to avoid giving two kinds of maaser in doubt, the Tosefta rule stringently.

All of the above is by way of background. What I want to point out is their definition of stringency:

When in doubt whether to group something with the second year, and thus the maaser is part of a spiritual pilgrimage to Jerusalem, or with the third, and thus the maaser is given to the poor -- "stringency" means giving to the poor. Similarly, if it's between declaring the food sacred or giving it to the poor -- give it to the poor.

When I posted a version of the above to Avodah (corrected off-list by REMT, thank you!) R' Danniel Shoemann pointed me to a similar chumerah in Chagiga 3b (quoting Mishnah Yadayim 4:3). In sefer Bamidbar, we conquer the lands of Amon and Moav from the Emori (who in turn had won them from the Amoni and Moavi) and after the wars in the book of Yehoshua they are settled by the people of Re'uvein, Gad, and half of the tribe of Menashah. (This is the land just east of the much of the Jordan river, in the western part of the current country of Jordan.) However, the land is not resettled by Jews in the second time around, in the days of Ezra. Shemittah only applies to lands conquered in the days of Ezra, or those lands with Jewish populations next to it that the law was rabbinicly extended to.

Rabbi Yochanan says that this does not include Amon and Moav with respect to shemittah, but one is obligated to give maaser from crops grown in that area. Given that the second tithe differs depending upon the year of the cycle, but in Israel proper there is no tithe for the shemittah year, what does one do in the seventh year in Amon and Moav? Rabbi Yochanan (note: the same Rabbi Yochanan as in the gemara I quoted) rules that one gives maaser ani to the poor.

Hunting for spiritual experiences or prohibiting things so as to avoid doubt are NOT appropriate chumeros if it means difficulties for others! Quite on the contrary -- the gemara recommends starting with being stringent in how we extend aid...

Tapping Into The Rich Emotional Reservoirs We All Have

In the previous post, Reb Ally writes about the inherent emotional capacity in everyone, and how it is only a matter of accessing those emotional wellsprings.

So how do we do it?

One exercise is to affect a certain emotional outpouring, even if it is not true or sincere; the display of emotion is a trigger that releases a larger authentic expression. For example, on Yom Kippur, we are encouraged during Ne'ila (the last part of the Yom Kippur service; we are taught that the gates of Heaven are beginning to swing shut, from the Hebrew word to close or lock) to bring ourselves to tears, by any means necessary- whether or not they are a true expression of feelings.

While tears are by nature a powerful spiritual tool - one that can be implemented despite the lack of any true feelings, and have such an effect to the degree that it can reverse even the most awesome of decrees - part of the idea behind our "forcing" ourselves to cry is the arousal that it will ultimately inspire.

More often than not, once we are crying about one thing - regardless of the source of "inspiration" - it is very easy for that episode of tears to increase and intensify to include other reasons (better reasons) to cry. M'toch sheLo Lishma, bah Lishma, as it were. That "insincere" flow of tears will inspire real tears to flow, and once we have achieved that outpouring of the soul - those tears can shatter the Heavens and break through the barriers. It is one reason why the Kav HaYashar repeatedly stresses the importance of prayer with tears; the tears wrap up even the most pathetic prayer and escorts it past the guards of the Heavenly gates directly to the Throne of Glory...

Emotional Capacity

We are COMMANDED to be deeply emotional people.

We must be INFATUATED with Hashem and love all of His creations as well.

We have to feel a deep sense of awe at the presence of the Creator.

We must be SENSITIVE to the plight of the poor and unfortunate.

We are also taught to feel hope and anticipate better days.

We are PUNISHED if we don't have adequate SIMCHA. תחת אשר לא עבדת את ה' בשמחה is a reason for the terrible curses to come upon us.

But hold on! Let's say I am the intellectual type, not the touchy-feely deeply emotional sort?! How am I supposed to fulfill the aforementioned CONSTANT 24/7 mitzvos.

Option A - Give up!

:)

Not here sweetest friends!! Rebbe Nachman POUNDED into me that אין שום יאוש בעולם כלל - There is no room in this world for despair.

So what's the solution? The Rebbe in Hachsharas Avreichim let's us in on a DEEP secret.

All people are emotional beings. Not everybody is able to connect to that part of himself but it lies dormant in the recesses of all of our souls.

I have observed people who I thought were died-in-the wool kalters [cold unemotional people] at emotional times [weddings, funerals etc.] and seen ocean fulls of emotion gushing forth. Wonder of wonders.

It's there sweetest friends.

Just gotta access it.

See The Wonder...

Want to strengthen your Emunah (belief in God)?

Rabbeinu Bachya Ibn Paquda prescribes a systematic way to increase one's recognition of the Divine in his daily life by examining and reflecting on the nature of things. The second "gate" in his Chovot HaLevavot (Duties of the Heart) is devoted entirely to illustrating how we can see the wisdom and kindness with which HaShem created the world and runs it perpetually.

Split into six sections, the Sha'ar HaBechina (the Gate of Reflection) explains:

• The nature of reflection 
• The obligation of reflection  
• How to reflect on Creation 
• The various different forms and manifestations of wisdom in the physical realm available to reflect upon 
• Which manifestations are most appropriate and accessible for us to examine, vis-a-vis our correspondent obligation to reflect on said manifestations; 
• What deters/enables reflection.

The fifth section shows how the most pertinent and effective source to examine is our own body; our physiology from conception until death, our intellectual and sensual faculties, the faculty of speech specifically, etc. Continuing on, we expand our scope to take in the wonders of the animal kingdom, and then the celestial properties - the stars, the moon, and so on. Physics, the laws of motion, the yield of an apple seed and the quenching nature of rainfall are but a few other examples that Rebbeinu Bachya focuses on extensively.

There is no shortage of apparent examples that can serve to increase our emunah and gratitude to God, if we would only take the time to really look at them and see the inherent divinity in all things.

I once heard a suggestion that that we should all attempt to learn something new about Creation every day, and really devote some time (even if only a few minutes) to reflect upon its significance. Making this a practice every day nurtures a sensitivity, an openness to the world around us.

I personally find that science books geared towards younger audiences are often great sources for such information; they are infused with a wide-eyed sense of awe and wonder this beautiful world that God has placed us in for the duration...

The Paradox Of The Perspective On Death

Recently I unfortunately have had a number of occasions to be involved in the sugya of "death". What is the Jewish approach?

I came across an excellent article in Hadarom [65, by Rav Betzalel Naor Shlita, great Talmid Chochom and father in law of my dear beloved friend Dori Binyamin Ben Yeruba'al Tzvi]: The Rambam says in the thirteenth perek of hilchos avel that one who mourns too much is a fool. Death is part of life [minhago shel olam]. Rather he should mourn as the halacha dictates and then get on with it. Then the Rambam turns around and says that if someone dies it behooves all those around him to search their deeds and do teshuva and if they don't they are cruel because a lack of introspection will just make more terrible things happen.

But wait! T.O. coach!! You just told me that it is minhago shel olam? Nothing out of the ordinary? So why the need to press the internal search button [computer mashal!:)]?

We are multi-dimensional people and we must also look at the world in multi-dimensional ways. We must realize that it is the nature of the world that people die and not allow ourselves to become overwhelmed. But we must ALSO understand that there is something tragic and earthshaking in the death of a human being and quickly do some teshuva so that it doesn't happen so frequently and that when it does, our neshamos will be ready. With enough teshuva, death indeed will one day be eradicated from the earth. [See the whole article.]

Rav Yisroel Salanter says that many people are under the impression that there is a chevre geshtorbenners [a society of people who die], but we are not members of this exclusive group.

Ahhhh sweetest tyere fryndlech, we are ALL members of this group. This means that we must live today as if it our last and remove ourselves from all the nonsense of this world and focus on what is real. As the Rebbe says in the B'nei Machshava Tova הרחק את עצמך מן הבטלה הרחק כמטחוי קשת
Stay miles away from wasting time. There are SOOOOO many good productive things to do.

Let's do them!

Love and blessings!:)

PS - a BIG yashar koach to Reb Shmulie on the "Machshava Tova" of starting this blog. It is nice when Jews have a chaburah whose express purpose is enhancing their Avodas Hashem. The Rebbe created such group in his lifetime and it is a great elevation for his soul that we continue. I have my own blog but I feel that the message is strengthened when we have the koach hatzibbur of the other distinguished members of the chaburah. Tzibbur is an acronym for tzaddikim, benoyniyim and reshoim. In the meantime all I see [besides myself] are tzaddikim....

A Delicious Bracha

You are about to eat something. WAIT!!!

Close your eyes. Think "I am about to do the mitzva of blessing Hashem".

Then say very deliberately "Baruch" - You are the source of ALL blessing!

"Atah" - I am speaking directly to the Master of All Being!:)

"Hashem" - He was, is and will be, the eternal source of mercy and love.

"Elokeinu Melech Ha'olam" - You RUN THE SHOW. The King. Not a flesh and blood king with countless human foibles but PERFECTION.

"Borei Mi'nei Mezonos" - You create cookies, cakes, crackers, pretzels. You are the BEST!!

I LOVE YOU HASHEM!!

Now eat the food. It will taste better than it would have had you not made the bracha because you APPRECIATE it.

But the bracha will be yet tastier.

Do this a hundred times a day - and you will NEVER be the same.

[Based on the Rebbe in BMT and the Alei Shor]

The 23rd of Av

Somewhere in Retzuat Azza,
the sun set,
the 23th of Av began,
and Gil'ad Shalit turned 24
on his 15,000th day in captivity.

המקום ירחם עליו
בתוך שאר שבויי והנעדרי ישראל
ויוציאם מצרה לרווחה
מאפלה לאורה
ומשעבוד לגאולה
השתא בעגלא ובזמן קריב

Give Chizuk!

Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld OBM constantly reminded his students to always give each other an encouraging word. There needn't be anything specific in mind; just to wish someone success in any - and all - of his endeavors can have such a powerful effect. As he put it, "it opens up wellsprings!"
 Rav Freifeld would marvel at those students who would come to his yeshiva after experiencing one defeat after another, having their spirits crushed by unyielding faculty in other institutions. After a few weeks of firm but gentle encouragement from the fellow students and staff in Shor Yoshuv, they would begin to believe in themselves and start accomplishing beyond their wildest imaginations.

It's important to note that many times there isn't any malicious intent behind the discouragement, either. Often those people think that they are doing the person a favor by "grounding him in reality" and protecting him from his own "too-lofty" aspirations. What they are really doing is shaping the other person's world-view to expect failure and mediocrity.

While we all have to be aware of our capabilities - and limitations - we can still hope for the best and let others know that we believe in them, and want to see them succeed. By doing so, we open up the wellsprings of accomplishment that allow people to realize their potential.

I would suggest that we should all take it upon ourselves to encourage our friends, family and peers. It doesn't have to be overbearing or unnatural; just a sincere wish to see them thrive and do well. The chances are high that we'll make someone's day.

Don't Be So Self Critical!

There were two new movements who appeared on the horizon of the Torah world about 200 years ago [give or take - I am not that old so I don't remember:)] - Chassidus and Mussar. Both had identical goals - To achieve closeness with the Creator and to climb the ladder of perfection. [See Michtav Mi'eliyahu Vol. 5 Page 35!!] Both movements were successful in their heyday in capturing the hearts of many, although to my great dismay, today the Mussar Movement has all but breathed it's last [we are trying to resuscitate it but we - meaning me - are very small].

Although both movements share the same ultimate goals they differed in their approaches and methodologies. One example [very general]: A true ba'al mussar is CONSTANTLY scrutinizing his actions and motivations to ensure complete honesty and sincerity. Any behavior that seems to smack of insincerity is cut out or at least done begrudgingly. Chassidus [as the Rebbe says in B'nei Machshava Tova] teaches - take it easy. Go with the flow. If you do 20 actions, even if 19 are not from the heart, if one singular act is done from the heart, it is all worth it. Don't sweat it. If Yidden are singing, sing along, even if you are not feeling it.

However, AFTERWARDS, when one is finished doing whatever he did, he should take stock of his actions and try to determine from whence they stemmed.

May we all be zocheh שה' יטהר לבנו לעבדו באמת